|Monday, October 21st, 2013|
|15 and gone
my 15yo nephew committed suicide on his fathers birthday. i'm still having a hard time grieving. it scared me because he was posting these cryptic emo posts but acted ok otherwise. there was romance gone wrong, pressure from my brother (his father) and his bitch of a mother had kicked him out a week before. my mom is in a really terrible depression and was ready to kill herself, she almost drowned. her friend saved her life. he has pretty much convinced her to stay alive.
my best friend moved in. then she stole over half my klonopin. and change. and smoked in her room. i had to kick her out and that was so hard. i cry over this but not so much my nephew. i don't know why. Current Mood: distressed
|Monday, March 11th, 2013|
|OH MY GOD! ARE YOU EATING ENOUGH?
headline style borrowed from a friend ; ]
so i'm back to losing weight again, very happy. but apparently jack told my mother i wasn't eating. yes, i had a couple of days where i was either on sugar or not eating and my blood sugar crashed big time. but there was nothing made in the house and i didn't want to cook.
so i eat when my body says eat on a regular basis. and mostly it says 1-2 times a day. no i'm not eating 1000-1200 calories a day and that is because i gain weight if i don't work out for an hour and a half that day.
i do not consider myself anorexic, just in tune with my bodies needs.
wearing size 12 old navy pants (14-16 in other brands i think) can't wait to get into my size 10s. got a whole lot of different and cool styles.
i'm eating enough. Current Mood: irritated
|Sunday, March 10th, 2013|
i have gall stones. couple of flare ups but no big deal yet.
i also have some permanent eye damage making everything harder to see and read. optic neuritis, retro bulbar optic neuritis, lazy eye, double vision-- no wonder i thought i was hallucinating after getting sober. i just have issues with what i see.
been reading and watching twilight series. love them but wouldn't recommend them to girls with low self esteem.
going to a baby shower today. instead of cards they asked for books. can do! still have a few books i'm not getting rid of but had plenty to go. and some book marks too.
made a great dish yesterday. lentils, rice, ground turkey, veg stock, carrots, cabbage and onions. and some spices. should have salted it better. i love my crock pot.
mostly on face book these days. feel like following me? i'll give you my name.
|Thursday, December 27th, 2012|
|coming out to mom and xmas at jacks moms house.
i came out to mom when i was 15. hence the dx of PCOS due to mom's worrying i had too much testosterone. i'm not kidding. i've had to keep coming out to her because she still refers to it as 'that phase you went through'. no mom i'm still me.
xmas at j's mom's house was crazy. could my mother in law be more insulting to me? or buy me a crappier non working gift? or being a bitch that my mom bought jack a coat like most years? we weren't expecting anything from my parents so a coat was actually nice. she pissed me off so much. she never thinks about what she says.
this sucks. i had to cancel my appt with my therapist due to insurance coverage changes. i'm pissed.
|Thursday, December 20th, 2012|
|auditory processing testing
crap. its gonna cost $800. that 103 more than i get in a month. they accept NO insurances. maybe she'll take payments and i'll do it in a few months. i had some testing done yesterday and i had some problems so they did recomend i get the testing.
i made stuff today and it was really good. (lentil-rice-veggie-turkey bacon) really trying to work on my weight more. doing better though back down to 195lbs. 3+ bottles of water a day.
excited for the solstice. really should be the real new year. not sure what i'm doing except going to see my therapist.
ready for xmas. can't wait to give gifts and get them! i know some of what i'm getting so i'm even more excited!
my p.t. is going well. johan got some knots out but we're still working on my lower back since i'm sway back which causes the tension in my upper back.
its freakin cold in my house. keep it at 60-63 degrees so i'm freezing. Current Mood: crushed
|Tuesday, October 9th, 2012|
i felt so hungry today! i made a lentil rice carrot onion and turkey bacon crock pot dish. i just couldn't quit eating it! my mom said put some salt on it and it will satisfy your craving. totally worked. i need to actually salt now when i cook. i did have some low fat popcorn and felt full as well. and a juice-cicle. very tastey.
|Saturday, October 6th, 2012|
today was cold. i put on my headscarf over my forehead and ears and pulled it around and knotted it at my neck. i went on my walk and people who had smiled at me and said hello either ignored me or frowned at me. only the lesbian couple was nice enough to both say hi.
i'm disgusted by this. this area has one of the greatest concentration of arab christians and muslims. the racism pisses me off. no i'm not a muslim but in this weather the women have it right to be covered up.
sorry i'm not reading everyones entries but my eyes hurt.
|Sunday, September 30th, 2012|
|problems with my skirt
went through all my clothes today, got rid of about half my shirts. can't find my long black a-line skirt. this is driving me crazy! dump out all the give away clothes and nit pick through them. nothing. eat half a bag of popcorn and an orange. take my second hour long walk of the day. fill up bottle with ice at the gas station (4th bottle). trying to avoid a cigarette. its my third day. again. so i'm really trying to be good. my first 2 days were just like 'wow, i don't want to smoke' not an intentional thing. today, not so much. but if i had the skirt i wouldn't want to eat and if i didn't eat i wouldn't need to smoke and if i wasn't eating and smoking i wouldn't have to keep walking all day and drowning myself in water to not smoke.
this ocd shit is serious business. but at least i think i have it figured out a little. jack rented me "ocd: a book for the newly diagnosed"
|Sunday, September 9th, 2012|
|half way there
half way through my first 3 weeks of no smoking! feel better, craving like a maniac.
|Thursday, August 30th, 2012|
|keeping medical supplies
i have all kinds of medical stuff i've saved for a sick day ; / its a good thing i did cause i hurt a bone in my foot so i'm in my boot. never get rid of medical stuff unless its expired and even then... well i keep that crap too.
|Monday, August 20th, 2012|
|mom is ok
my mom got her test results back from the breast ultrasound and it was negative. yeah!
|Tuesday, August 14th, 2012|
|finished asl 1
our last day of class was a blast! we played jeopardy and i was unofficial team captain. it was great. a lot of the students are taking level 2 next semester with us and the only bummer is that we are going to have a new teacher : [
i started looking into going into madonna university. $500 credit hour. for starting out they recommend 2 classes total of 7 credit hours. i can not afford that. trying to find scholarships but i'm just getting a headache. the only m.s. scholarships are for first time college students. i applied for m.s.focus' grant for a brighter tomorrow and i hope i get it but i don't know if i should hold my breath. at least level 2 will really be good for me. sean forbes (deaf rapper--check out his videos) is playing at arts, beats and eats in royal oak aug. 31 and i so want to go. even if i have to take the wheelchair or walker.
|free to who-hoo!
jack got the call today and he is all juice and no seed! vasectomy power! i can't wait to be off bc pill.
but there is no more musing over potential children. no more 'what ifs' or potential 'oops'
no more fantasies.
|Wednesday, August 8th, 2012|
going back to neuropsych testing. did the 600+ t/f questionair yesterday. doing the 4-5+ hour iq crap testing on friday. then after i get evaluated i hopefully get to go to a slp to check for auditory processing disorder. it was weird, i talked about all my crap and probably sounded like a total freak.
had a little scare yesterday with my blood sugar. ate with out taking my pills and totally crashed. definitely headed down diabetic road if i'm not careful. back to tons of water and gluten free living. had some chipotle for lunch and saved the rest for dinner.
feel itchy from missing some lyrica this morning. like my skin is just crawling.
|Thursday, July 19th, 2012|
3 TBs coconut oil
3 TBs baking soda
25 drops peppermint oil
1 packet stevia
2 tsps vegetable glycerin
mash together baking soda and coconut oil
mix everything else together to for form paste
store in jar
|Saturday, June 30th, 2012|
oh, i'm going to miss my p.t. for my knee and back : [ i really liked my therapist johan. he was just so cool to talk to. we talked politics and religion and education--it was so great talking to him! i was kind of shocked when he told me he was 49 cause i was thinking maybe 10+ years older (whoops!)
the massage therapists were great too. lighter and funnier conversations. i'm totally getting a massage from my favorite massage therapist. i've got her card and its only 35 for half hour and 60 for hour. can't wait to do it again!
i really like my sponsor. we are the same age down to the day. but i'm debating on telling her i'd really like to be friends. after the meeting last night she went out to the bar with 2 of the other ladies and tried to make it so i couldn't hear the invitation.
i want a friend.
|Tuesday, June 19th, 2012|
just pre-ordered sean forbes new cd/dvd. he is a pretty awesome deaf rapper from detroit!
stayed for half my asl class last night cause i felt so bad. glad mom was driving. but i got to use the sign for dizzy. also got the first sentence teacher threw out at us. mostly. i saw 'my husband made tacos for dinner last night' it was pretty close.
have no energy to do anything. typing is even exhausting.
|Saturday, June 16th, 2012|
|scary crazy flat flat tummy girl
if you say i want no comments about my weight/height as you know you're a stick figure and you expect people to give you good advice in a VAGINA community about getting rid of your flab... well suck it and go to an exercise community. why should those of us who are there for all things VAGINA shouldn't be answering your absurd question. i think the spam is shit.
|Friday, June 15th, 2012|